Posts Tagged “Identity”
I have a major issue with my looks. I’m 6′3″, broad shouldered, around 235, and bald. Most people don’t understand why I hate this, and I rarely tell them the real reason.
I hate how I look because it’s entirely masculine. I hate that I’m taller than most people, I resent the fact that I started losing my hair at age 17, and that while I’m not in super shape, it’s not uncommon for someone (often just some panhandler buttering me up for money) to ask if I played football or call me “Big man”. In my darker times, I refer to myself as being “ugly” although I know it’s not true….I’m just the opposite of what I want to be.
I’m posting pics just to show the contrast between who I am and who I wish I could be.
http://s385.photobucket.com/albums/oo296/curseofdolkite/
My GI problem is not a sexual issue…I don’t desire to have female organs and I’m heterosexual. I admit that in a perfect world, I’d rather be female. However, that’s obviously not going to happen, so I’m willing (like it matters) to compromise if I could just not be seen as an overtly masculine guy, I’m just frustrated because I know there is no way I’m ever going to be seen as anything but a masculine guy, the opposite of what I want. I could even deal with being male if I wasn’t so overtly masculine and the (few) women I attracted weren’t looking for the sort of big, strong, protective “manly man” type. I know they didn’t realize how their comments affected me, but hearing a female say things like “I love how small I feel next to you” were heartbreaking for me because I took it the way a female would….most females don’t want to be seen as big and burly.
I tried to counteract this by dating girls who were taller or larger…the last two were 6′5″ and 6′2″ (around 250 lbs). This, however, backfired…the supertall one loved having someone who made her look smaller and could dominate her in bed; the big one loved that I could pick her up (with difficulty) and, worse, told me she was attracted to me partially because I reminded her of her father. Now ask me why I don’t go out on more dates…
I’m really at a loss here. I mean, I care about how I look and yet I’m unmotivated even to get in shape and do the best I can with what I’ve been given because I don’t want to seem like I actively am striving to fulfill that big tough bald bouncer type image that’s so popular with men now.
Anyway, I don’t know if this answer is going to inspire a lot of rude comments or if anyone will even have anything meaningful to say beyond token responses like “Get therapy” or “Stop caring what you look like”.
Also, PLEASE read my question. Some people click on the link to my pic and then write “What’s the big deal, you’re not ugly” or “Lots of girls dig big guys”. My question is not “Am I good looking?”, it’s how do I cope with having a body that’s the exact opposite of what I wish I could be.
Tags: Deal, Don't, Gender, Identity, Like, Look, Masculine, Problem............., Very, With
8 Comments »
I have a major issue with my looks. I’m 6′3″, broad shouldered, around 235, and bald. Most people don’t understand why I hate this, and I rarely tell them the real reason.
I hate how I look because it’s entirely masculine. I hate that I’m taller than most people, I resent the fact that I started losing my hair at age 17, and that while I’m not in super shape, it’s not uncommon for someone (often just some panhandler buttering me up for money) to ask if I played football or call me “Big man”. In my darker times, I refer to myself as being “ugly” although I know it’s not true….I’m just the opposite of what I want to be.
I’m posting pics just to show the contrast between who I am and who I wish I could be.http://s385.photobucket.com/albums/oo296…
My GI problem is not a sexual issue…I don’t desire to have female organs and I’m heterosexual. I admit that in a perfect world, I’d rather be female. However, that’s obviously not going to happen, so I’m willing (like it matters) to compromise if I could just not be seen as an overtly masculine guy, I’m just frustrated because I know there is no way I’m ever going to be seen as anything but a masculine guy, the opposite of what I want. I could even deal with being male if I wasn’t so overtly masculine and the (few) women I attracted weren’t looking for the sort of big, strong, protective “manly man” type. I know they didn’t realize how their comments affected me, but hearing a female say things like “I love how small I feel next to you” were heartbreaking for me because I took it the way a female would….most females don’t want to be seen as big and burly.
I’m really at a loss here. I mean, I care about how I look and yet I’m unmotivated even to get in shape and do the best I can with what I’ve been given because I don’t want to seem like I actively am striving to fulfill that big tough bald bouncer type image that’s so popular with men now.
Anyway, I don’t know if this answer is going to inspire a lot of rude comments or if anyone will even have anything meaningful to say beyond token responses like “Get therapy” or “Stop caring what you look like”.
Also, PLEASE read my question. Some people click on the link to my pic and then write “What’s the big deal, you’re not ugly” or “Lots of girls dig big guys”. My question is not “Am I good looking?”, it’s how do I cope with having a body that’s the exact opposite of what I wish I could be.
By the way….
The opossum was staying with a friend of mine who does wildlife rehab. It had been a pet that was overfed and my friend was trying to get it to lose weight so it could be released in the wild. It was actually quite tame and friendly…around 10 pm, it would come out of its sleeping bag and rummage around. It had these funny buggy eyes.
As far as dating someone taller/bigger: the last two girls I dated where 6′5″ and 6′2″….and I found that they loved that I was big even more because it made them seem not so big. Also, I found that they wanted to be dominated even more than the small girls I dated did.
Tags: Deal, Don't, Gender, Identity, Like, Look, Masculine, Problem............., Very, With
8 Comments »
I have a major issue with my looks. I’m 6′3″, broad shouldered, around 235, and bald. Most people don’t understand why I hate this, and I rarely tell them the real reason.
I hate how I look because it’s entirely masculine. I hate that I’m taller than most people, I resent the fact that I started losing my hair at age 17, and that while I’m not in super shape, it’s not uncommon for someone (often just some panhandler buttering me up for money) to ask if I played football or call me “Big man”. In my darker times, I refer to myself as being “ugly” although I know it’s not true….I’m just the opposite of what I want to be.
I’m posting pics just to show the contrast between who I am and who I wish I could be.http://s385.photobucket.com/albums/oo296…
My GI problem is not a sexual issue…I don’t desire to have female organs and I’m heterosexual. I admit that in a perfect world, I’d rather be female. However, that’s obviously not going to happen, so I’m willing (like it matters) to compromise if I could just not be seen as an overtly masculine guy, I’m just frustrated because I know there is no way I’m ever going to be seen as anything but a masculine guy, the opposite of what I want. I could even deal with being male if I wasn’t so overtly masculine and the (few) women I attracted weren’t looking for the sort of big, strong, protective “manly man” type. I know they didn’t realize how their comments affected me, but hearing a female say things like “I love how small I feel next to you” were heartbreaking for me because I took it the way a female would….most females don’t want to be seen as big and burly.
I tried to counteract this by dating girls who were taller or larger…the last two were 6′5″ and 6′2″ (around 250 lbs). This, however, backfired…the supertall one loved having someone who made her look smaller and could dominate her in bed; the big one loved that I could pick her up (with difficulty) and, worse, told me she was attracted to me partially because I reminded her of her father. Now ask me why I don’t go out on more dates…
I’m really at a loss here. I mean, I care about how I look and yet I’m unmotivated even to get in shape and do the best I can with what I’ve been given because I don’t want to seem like I actively am striving to fulfill that big tough bald bouncer type image that’s so popular with men now.
Anyway, I don’t know if this answer is going to inspire a lot of rude comments or if anyone will even have anything meaningful to say beyond token responses like “Get therapy” or “Stop caring what you look like”.
Also, PLEASE read my question. Some people click on the link to my pic and then write “What’s the big deal, you’re not ugly” or “Lots of girls dig big guys”. My question is not “Am I good looking?”, it’s how do I cope with having a body that’s the exact opposite of what I wish I could be.
Tags: Deal, Don't, Gender, Identity, Like, Look, Masculine, Problem............., Very, With
6 Comments »
I have a major issue with my looks. I’m 6′3″, broad shouldered, around 235, and bald. Most people don’t understand why I hate this, and I rarely tell them the real reason.
I hate how I look because it’s entirely masculine. I hate that I’m taller than most people, I resent the fact that I started losing my hair at age 17, and that while I’m not in super shape, it’s not uncommon for someone (often just some panhandler buttering me up for money) to ask if I played football or call me “big man”. In my darker times, I refer to myself as being “ugly” although I know it’s not true….I’m just the opposite of what I want to be.
I’m posting pics just to show the contrast between who I am and who I wish I could be.http://s385.photobucket.com/albums/oo296…
My GI problem is not a sexual issue…I don’t desire to have female organs and I’m heterosexual. I admit that in a perfect world, I’d rather be female. However, that’s obviously not going to happen, so I’m willing (like it matters) to compromise if I could just not be seen as an overtly masculine guy, I’m just frustrated because I know there is no way I’m ever going to be seen as anything but a masculine guy, the opposite of what I want. I could even deal with being male if I wasn’t so overtly masculine and the (few) women I attracted weren’t looking for the sort of big, strong, protective “manly man” type. I know they didn’t realize how their comments affected me, but hearing a female say things like “I love how small I feel next to you” were heartbreaking for me because I took it the way a female would….most females don’t want to be seen as big and burly.
I tried to counteract this by dating girls who were taller or larger…the last two were 6′5″ and 6′2″ (around 250 lbs). This, however, backfired…the supertall one loved having someone who made her look smaller and could dominate her in bed; the big one loved that I could pick her up (with difficulty) and, worse, told me she was attracted to me partially because I reminded her of her father. Now ask me why I don’t go out on more dates…
I’m really at a loss here. I mean, I care about how I look and yet I’m unmotivated even to get in shape and do the best I can with what I’ve been given because I don’t want to seem like I actively am striving to fulfill that big tough bald bouncer type image that’s so popular with men now.
Tags: Deal, Don't, Gender, Identity, Like, Look, Masculine, Problem............., Very, With
2 Comments »
I have a major issue with my looks. I’m 6′3″, broad shouldered, around 235, and bald. Most people don’t understand why I hate this, and I rarely tell them the real reason.
I hate how I look because it’s entirely masculine. I hate that I’m taller than most people, I resent the fact that I started losing my hair at age 17, and that while I’m not in super shape, it’s not uncommon for someone (often just some panhandler buttering me up for money) to ask if I played football or call me “Big man”. In my darker times, I refer to myself as being “ugly” although I know it’s not true….I’m just the opposite of what I want to be.
I’m posting pics just to show the contrast between who I am and who I wish I could be.http://s385.photobucket.com/albums/oo296…
My GI problem is not a sexual issue…I don’t desire to have female organs and I’m heterosexual. I admit that in a perfect world, I’d rather be female. However, that’s obviously not going to happen, so I’m willing (like it matters) to compromise if I could just not be seen as an overtly masculine guy, I’m just frustrated because I know there is no way I’m ever going to be seen as anything but a masculine guy, the opposite of what I want. I could even deal with being male if I wasn’t so overtly masculine and the (few) women I attracted weren’t looking for the sort of big, strong, protective “manly man” type. I know they didn’t realize how their comments affected me, but hearing a female say things like “I love how small I feel next to you” were heartbreaking for me because I took it the way a female would….most females don’t want to be seen as big and burly.
I’m really at a loss here. I mean, I care about how I look and yet I’m unmotivated even to get in shape and do the best I can with what I’ve been given because I don’t want to seem like I actively am striving to fulfill that big tough bald bouncer type image that’s so popular with men now.
Anyway, I don’t know if this answer is going to inspire a lot of rude comments or if anyone will even have anything meaningful to say beyond token responses like “Get therapy” or “Stop caring what you look like”.
Also, PLEASE read my question. Some people click on the link to my pic and then write “What’s the big deal, you’re not ugly” or “Lots of girls dig big guys”. My question is not “Am I good looking?”, it’s how do I cope with having a body that’s the exact opposite of what I wish I could be.
Tags: Deal, Don't, Gender, Identity, Like, Look, Masculine, Problem............., Very, With
5 Comments »
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